I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its backside.”

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
are going to look up there anyway?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

~Lois

I found an interesting blog that y’all might enjoy. Lisa McLeod is a bit like Irma Bombeck. Take a look and listen.

Lois

~Lois

Creating a Consciousness of Health & Wellness

Please sign up 24 hours prior to the start of the event.

DATE: March 8, 2007
TIME: 4:00PM PST
PRESENTED BY: Miluna Fausch, founder of Making Wellness Fun®

To register for this free teleclass, click here.

~Lois

Today’s Valentine’s Day, a time to remember your sweetie.
Have you blown it already? I hope not!

Did you know that marketing YOURSELF isn’t so different from
marketing YOUR COMPANY or PRODUCT? “Oh, come on,” you say.
“You’ve gone too far.”

Well, I don’t think so. If you don’t promote your product,
you won’t make any sales. If you forget to market your
company, you’ll soon be out of business. And if you forget
to admire your sweetie on Valentine’s Day (or any other day,
for that matter), you’ll soon be bankrupt in the love
department, too. Won’t you?

So, here are a few last-minute Valentine’s ideas for you:

• Write your sweetie a love letter and have it translated
into French. Use a pretty script font when you write it.

• If you’re not much of a writer, create your love letter
in AUDIO. Buy him or her a new MP3 player and record a
special message for your sweetie.

• Put a happy note in your sweetie’s lunchbox.

• Call your sweetie at work and in your sexiest voice,
say, “I can’t wait to see you!” Then hang up and see how
long it takes him or her to call you back.

• Pay attention to DETAILS. Don’t buy just any flowers.
Give her (or him) her FAVORITES (yellow roses).

• Rent a romantic movie and cuddle up together on the
couch.

Keep your love alive. Do something fun and unexpected.

Keep your business alive, too, by learning how to not only
keep in touch with your customers and prospects, but to get
them to WANT to hear from you. You can even get them to send
you referrals for more business. In a teleseminar we did
awhile back, Adam Urbanski explained how to do just that…
“Secrets of Successful Networking: Proven Methods to Meet
More Qualified Prospects, Generate Referrals and Get
Business from Every Meeting You Attend.”

~Lois

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course, what may
I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer
for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs
limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you
could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The
official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the
top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you
to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

~Lois

Valentine’s Day is coming. What kind of chocolate are you?

~Lois

From TeAchology

During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a kindergarten teacher. “I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour,” she said.

~Lois

Have you ever noticed that when you take one of the personality “tests” you really don’t find out anything new? At least, I don’t. Perhaps that means I know who I am!

Here’s a fun one if you like taking personality tests:

Human Metrics Personality Test

Or discover what “color” you are. Are you Red, Green, Blue or Yellow? Visit True Colors and take the quiz.

~Lois

UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

~Lois

(when serenity is the last thing on your mind!)

In the normal course of living, we sometimes feel
“overwhelmed”, “burnt out” or “stressed-out”.
I know I do, which is why I created this special
list of things to do when I’m feeling less than
peaceful. And around holiday time those feelings
sometimes feel even more unmanageable.

As long as you’re alive, life will bring us
challenges to manage. That’s why I created
Serenity Self-Care Cards for myself. Really!

My holiday gift to the world? The messages
below are from the cards, use them to your
best advantage. And if you’d like to download
your very own cards I’ve included a link
for you to do that, too!

Remember:

1) We can do something about the feeling we
call stressed-out.

2) Sometimes “doing something” looks like
- making a change
- doing nothing
- doing something totally different
- being with someone
- being alone
- being with a group of someones
- forgiving ourselves for our mistakes
- being thankful that we’re alive

Peace on Earth…..

50 Ways

· Ask yourself…”Am I being too hard on myself?”
· Ask yourself…”What do I have in my life that I can enjoy at this moment?”
· Ask yourself …”How important is it?”
· Ask yourself…”What is my gut telling me?”
· Ask yourself…”Are my goals or expectations realistic?”
· Ask yourself…”Am I considering all my options?”
· Ask yourself…”What is it about this situation that I can do something about?”
· Ask yourself…”Who in my family or support circle can help me now?”
· Ask yourself…”What is it about this situation that I can manage?”
· Ask yourself…”What can I change about my attitude?”
· Ask yourself…”Do I really want to be doing this?”
· Ask yourself…”What needs to be done first?”
· Ask supportive family members for support.
· Trust that you know what’s best for you.
· How’s your integrity? Are your thoughts, feelings and actions matching? If not, what can you do about it?
· Forgive yourself…being angry hurts your soul.
· Buy yourself…some flowers or send yourself a card!
· Forgive someone…being angry uses lots of energy.
· Happiness is…enjoying what you have.
· Change negative self-talk into positive affirmations…I am ____________.
· Tell someone who cares about you what is bothering you.
· Call a friend…to talk or go out for ________________.
· Call someone…to let them know that you are thinking about them.
· Call someone…Go out to lunch, for coffee or for a walk.
· Breath…take 3 deep breaths. Hold it to the count of 3. Slowly exhale. Do this 2 times or until you calm down
· Go to the movies, concert or play.
· Call a friend for support.
· Find a quiet place to read a book.
· Get a …massage, manicure or pedicure.
· Connect…Join a club or organization. Volunteer in some way.
· Make a list of the 10 things you’re tolerating.
· Read a book for 30-minutes.
· Write a list of the things you are grateful for.
· Learn how to say NO! (without feeling guilty!)
· Do absolutely nothing!
· Sit down. Possibly listen to some enjoyable music with a cup of your favorite beverage.
· Rent a movie that makes you laugh.
· Speed up or slow down. Only you know which you need to do!
· Get enough sleep…take a nap if you need to.
· Exercise…go for a walk by yourself or with someone you love. Do whatever type of exercise you’re willing to do.
· Spend 30 minutes doing something you really, really enjoy.
· Purchase something…that you can afford and want.
· Do something on your “To Complete” list… or start a list.
· Find a quiet place…go into the bathroom and lock the door if you must! Close your eyes for a few moments and
think about something positive.
· Do something special for someone else…and don’t tell them what you did!
· Draw or color. Remember that your children’s books belong to them so ask permission!
· Meditate and pray… By yourself or as part of a group.
· Remember…what my life purpose is.
· Remember…that no one is perfect.
· Saying “no” to others often means saying “yes” to you!

Would you like your very own copy of Serenity Cards?
Download your own cards

Don’t forget to cut them out and put them somewhere special. Use them often!

©2004 A former Wall Street trader, Maria Marsala helps
women business owners boost profits, productivity and have
more playtime by providing no BS, practical, results-based
strategy sessions and seminars. Subscribe to Powerful
Business Strategies Ezine to receive your free one-page
business and marketing plan audio in your Welcome
Note http://www.ElevatingYourBusiness.com

~Lois