It wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t so true…

To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, 2004 actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favorite Things” from the legendary movie Sound Of Music.

Here are the lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac’s and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad!

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.)

~Lois

An Explanation of God from the 8-Year-Old’s Perspective

“One of God’s main jobs is making people. He makes
them to replace the ones that die, so there will be
enough people to take care of things on earth.

He doesn’t make grownups, just babies. I think because
they are smaller and easier to make. That way He
doesn’t have to take up His valuable time teaching
them to talk and walk He can just leave that to
mothers and fathers.”

“God’s second most important job is listening to
prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some
people, like preachers and things, pray at times
beside bedtime. God doesn’t have time to listen to the
radio or TV because of this. Because He hears
everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in
His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it
off.”

“God sees everything and hears everything and is
everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you
shouldn’t go wasting His time by going over your Mom
and Dad’s head asking for something they said you
couldn’t have.”

“Atheists are people who don’t believe in God. I don’t
think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there
aren’t any who come to our church.”

“Jesus is God’s Son. He used to do all the hard work
like walking on water and performing miracles and
trying to teach the people who didn’t want to learn
about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to
them and they crucified Him. But He was good and
kind, like His Father , and He told His Father that
they didn’t know what they were doing and to forgive
them and God said O.K.”

“His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done
and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He
didn’t have to go out on the road anymore. He could
stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad
out by listening to prayers and seeing things which
are important for God to take care of and which ones
He can take care of Himself without having to bother
God. Like a secretary, only more important.”

“You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to
help you because they got it worked out so one of them
is on duty all the time.”

“You should always go to church because it makes God
happy, and if there’s anybody you want to make happy,
it’s God.

Don’t skip church or do something you think will be
more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And
besides the sun doesn’t come out at the beach until
noon! anyway.”

“If you don’t believe in God, besides being an
atheist, you will be very lonely, because your
parents can’t go everywhere with you, like to camp,
but God can. It is good to know He’s around you when
you’re scared, in the dark or when you can’t swim and
you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.”

“But…you shouldn’t just always think of what God can
do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take
me back anytime He pleases. And…that’s why I believe
in God.”

~Lois

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it
comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but
you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its backside.”

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
are going to look up there anyway?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

~Lois

This book is the only one you’ll need if you are planning to adopt a child. It is filled with practical advice, stories of success (and a few failures), and loads of online resources divided by state. Priced at just $34.95, this book can help you get through the process, whether it’s a local, foreign or direct adoption. There are even useful tips for the birth mother.

Mardie Caldwell, the author, certainly knows what she’s talking about. It’s available in paperback through Amazon.com and most bookstores.

~Lois

I love it when I find websites with interesting information for women and girls. Here are three I found today:

Cool Careers for Girls

Feminist.com

The Women’s Network

~Lois

In this quick-to-read book by Doug Hewitt ($16.95 from Hatherleigh Press, the author discusses 101 creative, affordable and fun weekend activities to do with your children. Many of the ideas can be used with just about any age child.

My favorite—one that I used when Erin was little—is the “Make up a story” activity. Hewitt calls it “Round Robin Stories.” Erin loved it. I would generally start the story. Something like:

“Once upon a time there was a little brown bear named Delilah. She lived in the woods with her mom and they went blueberry picking every day. It was a fun and delicious adventure, but one day…”

And then Erin would have to continue the story. When we first started this game, she would say something like:

“Delilah met a rabbit in the blueberry patch and…”

And then she would give it back to me. But as time went on, she got better and better at telling stories. Sometimes she would go on and on with a very elaborate tale. We always had loads of fun.

I enjoyed my quick scan trhough Hewitt’s book, The Practical Guide to Weekend Parenting. It reminded me of several activities I plan to do with my granddaughter when she comes to visit.

Get more information and ideas from WeekendParenting.com

~Lois

Because JMU’s annual Employee Appreciation Day is Thursday, May 10, we are POSTPONING our Women’s Forum Meeting one week.

Next meeting:
Thursday, May 17
12N-1P
Spotswood Country Club
$12 Members/$15 Guests

Speaker: Deb Bullis, Program Coordinator, Hand-in-Hand Resource Mothers Program

The Hand-in-Hand Resource Mothers Program is a mentoring program for pregnant and parenting teens from early pregnancy until the baby’s first birthday. Its mission is to improve birth outcomes for teens and their babies.

Why are we having this program (since most of us aren’t teenagers)?
After the teenage mother in Harrisonburg abandoned her newborn in January and the baby died, I thought it was important for everyone to know about this amazing program that’s helping teens in the Harrisonburg-Rockingham area.

Our speaker, Deb Bullis, has a Bachelor of Science in Health Education from Western Michigan University. She’s been in the position for the past 10 years and has seen the Hand-in-Hand program grow from 10 teens in 1997 to 57 enrolled last year (over 102 touched in 2006)! Deb got involved with the program after doing a few years of homebound teaching for the county schools. Most of the students she taught were teens that had just delivered their babies. She saw a lot of very unprepared teens that just needed a little guidance and support.

“When this position became available, it seemed like a perfect fit and it has been! I love my job!” says Deb.

We’ll also have a 5-7 minute member introduction by Linda Elliott.

To register, email Lois at lcf@marketingideashop.com or call 540.820.3840.

Or be brave! Use the online registration and prepay for your meeting. It’s very easy. Just click on the link below and follow the prompt to do it through a secure shopping cart.

Members: $12
Guests: $15

~Lois

Please put these dates on your calendar right now. Don’t miss the meetings. We want to see you, and we know you want to see us!

Thursday, May 17
(Note change in date)
Deb Bullis presents “RMH Hand-in-Hand Resource Mothers”
Meet the WF Member: Linda Elliott

Thursday, June 14
Brandi Simmons, Carlson-Wagonlit Travel Agency
“Penny-saving Travel Tips”
Meet the WF Member: Lois Carter Fay

Thursday, July 12
Brenda Black, CTP, Tourism Manager
Harrisonburg Tourism & Visitor Services
“Fun Things To Do In & Around Harrisonburg”
Meet the WF Member: Margo McIntire

Thursday, August 9
Karen Barnes, Community Resource Center
“Introducing the Community Resource Center”
Meet the WF Member: TBD

Thursday, September 13
No Speaker
Focused Networking Event/Member Drive

Thursday, October 11
Patty May and tentatively Dawn Womack
“Learn About Toastmasters”
Meet the WF Member: TBD

Thursday, November 8
TBD Speaker
“Safety Tips for Women”
(Tentative)
Meet the WF Member: TBD

Thursday, December 13
“Holiday Social & White Elephant Exchange”

~Lois

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She
picked up something off the ground and started to put
it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I
asked her not to do that.

“Why?” my daughter asked.

“Because it’s been on the ground, you don’t know where
it’s been, it’s dirty and probably has germs” I
replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with
total admiration and asked, “Mommy, how do you know
all this stuff? You are so smart.” I was thinking
quickly. “All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mommy
Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a
Mommy.”

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,
but she was evidently pondering this new information.
“OH…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the
test you have to be the daddy.”

“Exactly,” I replied back with a big smile on my face.

~Lois

It’s no news that Boomers are the “sandwich generation.” You all feel it, don’t you? You’re squished between all of your duties and responsibilities.

Many Boomers are finally coming out of the child-rearing age, and now we’re hit with having to help our parents as they become older and more frail. Some of us are still supporting children. And we might be working full- or part-time, juggling volunteer responsibilities, trying to manage our own health, and still get more than just a few hours of sleep each night.

Whew! I don’t know about you, but it’s no wonder I’m tired. And my parents have all passed on.

For those of you who are either just beginning to deal with helping your parents in their elder years, or those who are deep in the throes of it, there’s a book for you. It’s called Unwrapping the Sandwich Generation. The author is Susan L. Cunningham, CSA, of Senior Resources Group in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

In little, easy-to-read vignettes, the book will help you come to understand the issues of managing your senior’s care and show you that you are not alone in these issues. I highly recommend it.

~Lois