Here’s a good cartoon that I thought you’d enjoy by Ann Telnaes. I’m running it with permission from WomenseNews.org

Let’s see what the Women Suffragists had to say about this little piece of news…(click on the image to make it bigger)

Here’s a fun thing to do. Sloganize your name. Mine is: Lois - Does a Body Good!

~Lois

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. How long will this take?” I asked.

“They will grow larger over a period of years,” my husband replies.

I stopped. ” Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”

Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

He’s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.

Stupid, stupid man.

~Lois

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him.

A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on, and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much He owed.

Finkelstein brushed him off: “No, no, no - free for the Son of God! There’s no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?”

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.

A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes. He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him, and as soon as Finkelstein spotted Him he said, “Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?”

“Certainly,” replied Jesus. “Jesus & Finkelstein it is.”

“Oh, no, no,” said Finkelstein. “Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman.”

The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful, and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.

A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop.

Can you guess what it read??

Are you sure you want to know?

Here it comes..

Don’t say you weren’t warned……
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LORD and TAYLOR

~Lois

My Aunt Diana, who lives near Oshkosh, Wisconsin, where they have an annual “Fly In” for the Experimental Aircraft Association each year, sent this to me. Thanks Diana!

I takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has “never, ever” had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last…
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget punding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

~Lois

Have you ever noticed that when you take one of the personality “tests” you really don’t find out anything new? At least, I don’t. Perhaps that means I know who I am!

Here’s a fun one if you like taking personality tests:

Human Metrics Personality Test

Or discover what “color” you are. Are you Red, Green, Blue or Yellow? Visit True Colors and take the quiz.

~Lois

I just finished reading Suzy Toronto’s new book The Sacred Sisterhood of Wonderful Wacky Women. It’s delightful!

Through stories and recipies in just 103 pages, Suzy describes most of the women I know and love. It's likely they are your friends, too!

Written in prose and poetry, each story talks about the lessons we learn from our friends, just by watching what they do. Like "She Who Has a Great Attitude," who sees the upside of everything and turns each event into a delight. Suzy describes her book this way: "I am surrounded by ordinary women who have accomplished extraordinary things. It is about these unrecognized feats of quiet, female heroism that I write. "

Pick up your own copy. It will delight you, too!

~Lois

The new supermarket opened near my house and has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just
before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

But I think it’s getting out of hand.

When you approach the milk case, you hear cows mooing and catch a whiff of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The meat department has a background “sizzle” and the slight odor of a charcoal grill.

But now, I refuse to go in anymore, after walking down the toilet paper aisle….

~Lois

The buzzword in today’s business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing.” Personally, I don’t think that’s possible since there are several parts to marketing–for example:

You’re a woman, and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed. Would you like to see for yourself?” That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. You ask one of your friends to go up to him, point at you and say, “She’s fantastic in bed.” When he does this, that’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed. Would you like to see for yourself?” That’s Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” And your friend, who is standing nearby, says, “It’s true!” That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you. That’s Tech Support.

And if you do all of the above, that’s Marketing.

~Lois