My online friend, Priya Shah, has a terrific blog (actually 2)! Why don’t you go visit? She posted this article today: Mind Your Blogging Manners

Read her posts on the Law Of Attraction, too.

~Lois

I found an interesting blog that y’all might enjoy. Lisa McLeod is a bit like Irma Bombeck. Take a look and listen.

Lois

~Lois

It’s been snowing and sleeting here for a couple of days.
The roads are pretty bad. We might just have to make dinner
at home and cuddle up to watch a movie for Valentine’s Day!

Madeline, our granddaughter, turned 4 last Friday. She was
SO excited; she practically screamed on the phone. We sent
her several new outfits for school. “I’m wearing the pants
you bought me,” she said. “Which ones?” I asked. “The ones
you got me.” “What color are they?” “Pink!” (We had sent her
at least 3 pairs of pants so I didn’t know which one she was
wearing.)

I hope you are having an awesome 2007!

~Lois

Today’s Valentine’s Day, a time to remember your sweetie.
Have you blown it already? I hope not!

Did you know that marketing YOURSELF isn’t so different from
marketing YOUR COMPANY or PRODUCT? “Oh, come on,” you say.
“You’ve gone too far.”

Well, I don’t think so. If you don’t promote your product,
you won’t make any sales. If you forget to market your
company, you’ll soon be out of business. And if you forget
to admire your sweetie on Valentine’s Day (or any other day,
for that matter), you’ll soon be bankrupt in the love
department, too. Won’t you?

So, here are a few last-minute Valentine’s ideas for you:

• Write your sweetie a love letter and have it translated
into French. Use a pretty script font when you write it.

• If you’re not much of a writer, create your love letter
in AUDIO. Buy him or her a new MP3 player and record a
special message for your sweetie.

• Put a happy note in your sweetie’s lunchbox.

• Call your sweetie at work and in your sexiest voice,
say, “I can’t wait to see you!” Then hang up and see how
long it takes him or her to call you back.

• Pay attention to DETAILS. Don’t buy just any flowers.
Give her (or him) her FAVORITES (yellow roses).

• Rent a romantic movie and cuddle up together on the
couch.

Keep your love alive. Do something fun and unexpected.

Keep your business alive, too, by learning how to not only
keep in touch with your customers and prospects, but to get
them to WANT to hear from you. You can even get them to send
you referrals for more business. In a teleseminar we did
awhile back, Adam Urbanski explained how to do just that…
“Secrets of Successful Networking: Proven Methods to Meet
More Qualified Prospects, Generate Referrals and Get
Business from Every Meeting You Attend.”

~Lois

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course, what may
I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer
for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs
limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you
could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The
official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the
top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you
to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”

~Lois

Valentine’s Day is coming. What kind of chocolate are you?

~Lois

What 4-8 year-old children said about love:

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on
shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of
your French fries without making them give you any of
theirs.”

“Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you
don’t yell at him because you know it would hurt his
feelings.”

“Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still
says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird.”

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and
little stars come out of you.”

“You can break love, but it won’t die.”

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired
of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when
they kiss.”

“When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and
paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her
now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.
That’s love.”

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
different. You just know that your name is safe in their
mouths.”

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see
anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left
him alone all day.”

“You really shouldn’t say “I love you” unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

And the winner: a 4 year-old child whose next door neighbor
was an elderly man who had just lost his wife. When the
child saw the man cry, the little boy went over into the
man’s yard and climbed on top of the man’s lap and just sat
there. When the boy’s mother asked him what he’d said to the
neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him
cry.”

~Lois

This is a heads-up to those friends who haven’t experienced it yet, and an explanation to those friends and family who have. Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It’s happening every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?

I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached and at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair, and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hair brush. This was really getting scary.

My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?

My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled.

That’s why I decided to tell my story. I can’t take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn’t plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don’t you?

The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted,” look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs … and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS.

~Lois

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits while I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

~Lois

This is an old one, but it makes me laugh every time I read it.

This is a job application that a 75-year-old man submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They (supposedly) hired him because he was so funny.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least, one who’ll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, I’ll take whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,Tuesday,and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

~Lois

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run—anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, ” Did I wake you ???? “…

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can’t remember who told you to read this.

If you are not over 50, this is what you have to look forward to.

~Lois